“The secret is to accept the content of your sexual fantasies and understand it as just that — a fantasy.“
Most of us never stop to wonder about how we were sexually socialized. We all grew up with subtle messages about sex and sexuality that we take for granted.
Unfortunately, too many of us have internalized messages about sex and sexual fantasies being bad, dirty, shameful or naughty. Some think that enjoying sex and fantasies signals a failure of moral character. This is especially common for women after experiencing negative sexual events like rape, sexual abuse, assault, sexual harassment and painful sex.
There are two essential mechanisms that need to occur for sexual stimulation. Your parasympathetic nervous system needs to kicks in for you to become relaxed. But your sympathetic nervous system also needs to rev up for sexual stimulation. Millions of women actually have sexual fantasies about being placed in a coercive sexual situations. Yet none would enjoy that situation if it actually occurred because if “real” danger or threat occurs, those physical mechanics can’t happen and therefore enjoyment is a forgone conclusion.
Many people struggle with severe guilt about their sexual fantasies but the truth is, most of us have woefully little control over what turns us on.
The secret is to accept the content of your sexual fantasies and understand it as just that — a fantasy. Most fantasies were never meant to be played out or mean you are deprived in any way. Some even say your sexual fantasies are always politically incorrect.