What to do when there is lack of sexual desire

woman on bed

Many couples experience this but find it hard to talk about. Often desire levels are unequal in otherwise healthy relationships. This is where sex therapy can help. A good place to start is to consult a Sex Therapist, who will ask questions to better understand why the problem persists. Questions such as: Do you still have sexual fantasies? Do you still (ever) masturbate? Do you experience arousal? Does the thought of having sex with your partner seem like a lot of work?

Most people don’t understand what is happening and such questions will help your Sex Therapist diagnose and treat a variety of concerns. Many individuals and couples experience a drop in or lack of desire. For women the condition is called “Female Desire Sexual Interest/Arousal disorder”. For men it’s called “Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder.”

Because human sexual arousal is a complicated process that involves many different mechanisms it’s not always easy to pinpoint one culprit. Many times the “reason” is a combination of factors such as; hormonal imbalance, physiological issues such as endometriosis or scar tissue after giving birth, and foreskin that is too tight — only to name a few.

Our general health can also play a factor in our sexual response, such as blood pressure, hypothyroidism, diabetes and aging.

And don’t underestimate the psychological factors playing into the issue. Anxiety, for example impacts sexual desire greatly. When anxious, the body’s sympathetic nervous system kicks in. For sexual arousal, the body’s parasympathetic nervous system needs to be activated — those two systems are polar opposites. Depression can also dampen sexual desire as can elevated stress levels caused by lack of sleep or relationship issues.

Multiple orgasms for men?

Man by ocean spray

It’s often only associated with women but men also have the potential for multiple orgasms. It’s actually a common misconception that, because men experience a physical build-up of ejaculate, that they can’t experience multiple orgasms.

What was missing from our sex ed classes is the fact that men’s orgasms don’t have to go hand-in-hand with ejaculation. Nature has equipped men with a way to experience an orgasm without ejaculating, making it possible to have multiple orgasms. This is particularly useful to know given the discrepancy in how long it takes men to orgasm compared to women. Most men only last about five to seven minutes during intercourse. It takes on average 12 to 15 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation for a woman to reach an orgasm during sex.

In order to orgasm without ejaculation a man needs to practice engaging their pelvic floor muscles (the pelvic floor muscle is interconnected to the anus) before the moment of no return. And this must be practiced a fair amount. First starting with 20 minutes a day, three times a day. Try holding the muscles tight for up 30 seconds to start with. Then as your control improves try engaging those at the right time. Eventually you will be able to experience an orgasm without ejaculating. This will enable you to maintain an erection and go at it again and again and again…